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The House of the Dead
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The House of the Dead (2003)

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Plot Summary:
"This film is a prequel to all of the The House of the Dead video games. Set on an island off the coast of Florida, a techno rave party attracts a diverse group of college coeds and a Coast Guard officer. Soon, they discover that their X-laced escapades are to be interrupted by zombies and monsters that attack them on the ground, from the air, and in the sea, ruled by an evil entity in the House of the Dead."

Review by
Phil Davies Brown
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Review Date: 03 November 2004 My Rating: out of 5


I finally saw this film despite everyones warnings, and I have to say that I knew exactly where they were coming from as this film was hilarious!!

The dialogue and the script were absolutely pitiful but even Uwe Boll has acknowledged this himself so I don't know why everyone blamed him...he didn't write the damn thing.

A group of (ahem) 'teens' I use the term loosely, head to a rave on an island, only to be confronted by hordes of zombies hungry for flesh.

The film was easy on the eye with lots of nice scenic shots and nice sets, but the aesthetics alone couldn't make this a good film as it was hampered by the most atrocious dialogue ever such as 'We broke up so that I could study and Alicia could fence. I didn't see what good it would do her' why didn't they just show us a brief scene of the character fencing instead of trying to say to us that there will be a sword fight later?

This film also had a good and capable cast who have been in far greater movies, which was a further sign of how awful the script was, and poor Ellie Cornell...she might have been the best character here but why on earth did the woman who didn't want Michael Myers to shove scissors into her throat allow them to have her character's legs chopped off in a truly laughable moment.

The zombies weren't that great and I'm not buying the rapid character development either. One minute they're all helpless, the next they are engaging in hand to hand combat and firing guns like no one's business.

The characters all have god awful names and they kept allowing themselves to be eaten for the slightest thing...I have a scar on my face leave me to die...My leg was shot 20 minutes ago I might as well play the hero and allow myself to be eaten so that you can get to the basement. It was ludicrous!!

Jurgen Prochnow and Clint Howard ham it up so bad that you cringe, and the same scenes were inserted countless times to beef up the running time, and what was with the game footage? It might have worked for the openeing sequence and even for transitions but not in the middle of fight sequences.

And the much hyped 12 minute fight sequence might have been good, but there was no need to do the 360 bullet time thing for every one of the main characters one after the other.

I have never ever laughed out loud at a horror movie, but I swear to you that I almost wet my pants from laughing so hard.

Uwe Boll may have been at the reigns, but film is a collaborative process, and he alone cannot be faulted. To be fair he knows that the script was awful but he did a competent job. The fact that this opened wide and made enough of a profit to warrant a sequel meant that it was successful, and you can't fault someone for getting a job done however bad the end product might be. I know all about the ins and outs of the arguments and the backlash surrounding this film but I think it's rude to post news stories saying that he is stupid and that his films will all suck. I doubt that the excellent cast assembled for BloodRayne and even Alone in the Dark would have jumped on board if the scripts were sucktacular..perhaps we should give him a chance before belittling him.

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