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The Bagman
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The Bagman (2002)

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Plot Summary:
"15 years ago, Jack Marshall's house burned to the ground, leaving him badly burnt with disfiguring scars and both parents dead! Everafter, he was cruelly teased and tormented by his peers. 10 years ago, when Jack was 17, his own private hell came to an end when he was savagely murdered by his classmates. Today, Sue Creswell returns to her hometown where it all happened and the terror begins! Sue reunites with her old schoolmates. One by one, they disappear in a swirl of grisly slaughter. Sue is tormented by an unknown silent caller and a trail of blood that leads to nowhere... Is Jack Marshall really dead?"

Review by
Phil Davies Brown
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Review Date: 25 August 2005 My Rating: out of 5


Stephanie Beaton stars, executive produces and even trained her dog to snarl for this terrible little b-movie romp, which perfectly demonstrates why people have no serious regard for the horror genre.

The pathetic prologue (which opens in Doomsville, Indiana) sees a bunch of 30 year olds in Primary School wear chasing a guy who is kitted out in the cheapest looking Freddy Krueger mask you have ever seen in your life. The kids catch up with him and drown him in a pool of shallow water before the main guy pisses on him.

15 years later we are treated to the most ridiculously acted sex scene I have ever seen. Cut to lead female returning home, which signals the beginnings of the silliest plot I have witnessed in ages.

Basically The Bagman (nicknamed so because the kids put a burlap sack over his head as they 'tortured' him) survived, gained shit loads of weight, and managed to sound 20 years older than them despite being the same age to begin with.

We are then subjected to far too many phone pranks (get over it already...Scream is almost 10 years old!!) sex scenes with people old enough to be your parents, and awful acting and deaths.

Bordering on utterly incompetent, the film reuses footage, the light changes during shots, and they even managed to include the worst day for night shots I have ever seen in my life. You can clearly see patches of daylight on the ground during these blue tinted moments.

The acting, aesthetics and level of technical competence are in a league of their own and the fact that this turd then lifts entire sequences from movies such as Urban Legend makes it even more insulting.

There are moments of bad dubbing (and I'm not talking about lip synching here) where sentences are heard but never spoken, and someone has even slapped a spelling correction on top of the existing error in the end credits.

Bad wigs, fake tits and almost complete technical incompetence make this an absolute laughing stock of a b-flick. Despite my better judgment it has a 'so bad it's good' quality about it so I'm giving it one star. Some people involved showed a little promise, so I'm hoping they have since improved their skills.

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