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Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove
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Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove (2005)

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Plot Summary:
"An evil pirate is resurrected from the depths of hell by a group of friends. Their mission now is to send him back before everyone is slaughtered."


Review by
Phil Davies Brown
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@horrorasylum
Review Date: 16 June 2006 My Rating: out of 5

 

Regular readers will no doubt know that I am not one to bash the efforts of any filmmaker, yet however you look at it, there's no denying that this film is the worst piece of shit I've seen in ages.

The 'story' calls for a bunch of actually quite decent actors to degrade themselves by acting like caricatures for 80 minutes as they run around town trying to find out the identity of the 'scary' pirate who has been offing their mates.

With irrational ideas and putrid dialogue such as the moment when the police medical examiner, whom we assume is some sort of medical 'expert', asks the chief of police if he wants him to take a DNA sample from a crime scene as 'it may become useful later', when that is quite clearly one of the first things a police officer would look for at a crime scene. The same guy later leans over the body of the chief who has been blasted in the chest with a musket, to announce that he doesn't know what's wrong with him but it 'may be life threatening'. Unfortunately this arse and the whiny bitch mayor don't die and don't die soon enough respectively.

The film does actually look pretty good (thanks Gary Jones) considering its budget and has a hot cast and plenty of boobs and gore, but the absolutely putrid script gave it no hope of survival (shame on you Jeff Miller).

OVERALL SUMMARY
Jolly Roger is basically the opening of I Know What You Did Last Summer mixed with The Fog, but despite its aesthetic qualities it manages to be at least ten times worse than the recent remake of The Fog, which I honestly didn't think was possible. Avoid this at all costs.




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