A plane crashes in London, unleashing the alien monster it was transporting. Noel Clarke is one of several people stuck in a storage facility, and of course the alien has found its way inside. Clarke is also bitter about a recent break up, and unfortunately his ex (Antonia Campbell-Hughes) is stuck in there with him, along with best pal Colin O’Donoghue. Ned Dennehy turns up in a lively role as an eccentric man whose marital woes have seen him take refuge in the storage facility.
Making a movie, especially one with special FX mustn’t be terribly easy on a modest budget, and us critics probably need to be mindful of that. However, filmmakers also need to bear in mind that if you make a crap film, you’ve made a crap film, no matter how admirable your intentions might’ve been. So here it is that I’ve come to discuss this genre piece from co-writer/director Johannes Roberts, aided and abetted by co-writers Davie Fairbanks (who also has a role), Marc Small, and Noel Clarke (the latter of whom wrote the story and stars in the piece). Although not nearly as bad as “District 9” or “Attack the Block” (both of which I’m the only non-fan of in existence, apparently), one could also say the same about un-anesthetised dental surgery. Actually, I feel a little bad flogging it because apparently it was a huge financial flop too, and that must’ve sucked for all involved. But I have to be honest, nonetheless. It’s not very good.
It starts really promisingly, with quite an unsettling opening, pretty much hitting the ground running too. I was immediately intrigued. The handheld camerawork by Tim Sidell is surprisingly damn good, and the film looks a bit more expensive than it probably was. Flickering lights, lots of shots of long corridors, and close-ups of eyeballs are the order of the day here. If anything, the film is too well-lit, making it not especially scary, though it’s kinda striking in a deliberately bland, “One Hour Photo” kinda way. Sidell’s work and Roberts’ direction most certainly are not at fault here. It’s the cast and script that bring this crashing to a halt, after an intriguing set-up. It ends up going nowhere, and in the meantime you’re stranded with a bunch of mumbly talkers, seemingly typical of British youth- irritating to no end (Apparently ADR was done in three separate countries, which might explain things too). Aside from Ned Dennehy, they’re all boring and seemingly on downers, as the film takes forever to get to the part where people are bumped off one-by-one. I lost patience relatively quickly. Noel Clarke (who co-wrote, directed, and co-starred in the mediocre “4,3,2,1”), meanwhile, always comes across as singularly unappealing to me, and here he’s sadly our lead actor.
The monster, meanwhile, is an amalgam of every famous movie monster of the 1980s. Not an incompetent piece of FX work in the slightest, just uninspired. I’m sorry, but when a toy poodle provides the film’s best moments, you know you’re watching a bit of a dud.
Technically competent, but surely that’s nowhere near enough. I really needed characters to latch on to, at the very least. No, I didn’t much like this one at all.