Wednesday, January 27

Rules for Surviving a Horror Film

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So you are out, picking up the weekly shopping and the next thing you know, there is a tsunami and you are stranded with a 12 foot shark swimming between the aisles. OR, you are just chilling at home and the phone rings and before you know it, a stranger is telling he’s gonna kill you. You know what I mean? Well, we don’t want you to be unprepared, so we have put together some tips on how you can survive this horror. Here goes…

Don’t be in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time:
There are some places you must avoid in horror movies. Here are some examples. Whatever you do, just don’t go there.
• An old house with histories
• Any small town in the middle of nowhere
• A small town gas station
• No basements. I repeat:  do not search the basement. They are creepy enough without you dying in one.
• Do not take this so called “shortcut” or an unknown road; remember “The Hills have eyes”
• The woods

Stay together:
Never split up when you are in a large group. Work together as a group.

Never think the movie is over:
The killer or the monster is never dead. If you think that the killer is dead you better make damn sure he is. Don’t walk away when you think it’s all finally over because it’s not over!

Don’t say I’ll be back:
Never, ever, ever, say I’ll be back, because you won’t!

Always Expect the Unexpected:
Strange noises are never just your cat or the wind. If you think something is behind you, don’t bother turning around to check. Just run.

Everyone can be the killer:
If you found out your killer is a human it can be anybody.  It can be your friend, your mother, father, uncle, brother. But do not confront someone that you think is the killer. And think about it, maybe you are the killer?

Don’t be a hero:
Don’t be a smart-ass, it’ll only get you killed. Unless you are really good looking and the lead character, in which case you will probably save the day and survive. Good luck. 

Don’t take a shower:
Never take a shower when you are home alone. Someone will probably be right there waiting.

Be careful with demons:
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

And last but not least …
Some final rules you must always remember when you’re in a horror movie:
• Don’t make fun of or play with dead things
• Always check the backseat of your car before you get in
• Don’t pick up phone calls from strangers 
• Turn on the damn lights
• Never watch a horror movie while you’re in a horror movie
• Never hide in a closet
• Your dog can take care of itself
• Feel no guilt
• Always believe the killer when he tells you he’s going to kill you
• Stay out of water if there are sharks, unless you have no choice, because you are trapped with one in a supermarket.

'Bait 3D' Out on Monday


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