Sunday, January 17

Things to Know in Case of a Zombie Attack!

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The trailers for the upcoming Zombieland movie got me thinking. What if a zombie outbreak happened? What the hell would I do? But, then I thought, there are so many zombie themed movies available that would mean a different strategy for each one. What movie should I use to base my zombie survival skills on. I landed on the mother of all living dead movies. George Romero’s Living Dead series. Night, Day, Dawn, and Land of the Dead. I think everyone has seen at least one of those movies. How does one gauge their skills on making till the end against walking, stinking, rotting corpses that want to eat you? Knowledge is power my friends. It reminds me of the “Now you Know” clips at the end of GI Joe. Lets start with the basics.

1. Most important. The dead are alive. They want you as dinner, and they are like flesh eating lemmings. They basically just keep on walking till they come across someone to eat and then will walk and crawl till they get it. If they are stopped by a door, wall and anything similar they’ll keep pounding and pounding until they get lucky or break a window. BUT, more and more will come.

2. They are REALLY slow. A big guy like me would be very lucky to be in a Romero survival situation because my slow ass can’t get away from much more. Which is good for everyone at the same time. You can save your stamina and plan your moves pretty well. However, back to them attacking in groups. Its ok at first when you just see a couple. Seems like those maggot bags have a cadaver beacon in them or something. As soon as one of them has the smell of life. The rest in the area will come a limping.

3. Zombies are the farthest thing from smart. They make up for it in numbers. 20 stupid zombies will probably win against 1 with a pulse. Which brings me to another rule. Make good smart friends as fast as you can. Or find your friends fast. A lot of people will be out to help themselves. So you need some numbers too. Not only will you have to kick zombie ass. But, when all hell breaks loose you’re gonna need all you got. And when supplies are running slim zombies aren’t the only brainless jerks you will have to beat down.

4. The more open area you have available the better. You’ll wanna see them coming. But, still have a secure place to fall back on. Remember the mall right? They just sat there for days with hardly a care in the world. Only thing you need to worry about is keeping your supplies up. Oh, and don’t make it a goal to announce your residency. Makes it hard to leave. The movies haven’t taken place in a really cold environment. Maybe the farther north you go the safer you are. That was the goal in LotD. Maybe he was onto something.

5. On to fighting zombies. Like I mentioned before, they are not very strong. They can’t break through much except glass and very weak obstacles. As you know, zombies are just decaying flesh. No muscle, rotting skin, no coordination. Just walking up to one with a bat or something similar is plenty enough to at least keep them back or away. Fire has always seem to be a decent enough weapon as well. Light a few of those stinky fools on fire and they’ll fall. However to kill one you gotta puncture the brain somehow. Don’t ask me why it does. It just does it. What you need to watch out for is getting one that can latch on to you with its cavity infested chompers. You’re as good as gone.

Wrapping things up. When you’re looking out the window and see a few dead dudes walking around in the yard. Get your computer up and print screen this and keep it in your back pocket. Just incase you forget. THEN, go grab the family, the dog, and some beer and hit the road to Alaska. Because I just saved your life.

Study the ways of the zombies yourself. Find a promotional code and save some money on their movies.

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