Screenwriter Milo Ventimiglia meets sexy Josephine de la Baume at a video store (!) and before you know it, they’re back at her place getting it on…until she abruptly puts a stop to it. Eventually she reveals that she is a vampire, and this somehow doesn’t turn him off. In fact, when she handcuffs herself during sex, he ends up uncuffing her, and quick as you like, she bites him, making him another of the undead. They commit themselves to one another and move in together. And then de la Baume’s slutty sister Roxane Mesquida turns up and promptly moves in. Mesquida, however, is reckless and careless in her feeding habits (unlike her sister, she feeds exclusively on humans), which starts to cause problems not just for our happy couple, but the high-brow vampire society our characters mingle with, especially Broadway actress Xenia (Anna Mouglalis), who refuses to feast on human blood, preferring a synthetic substitute. Michael Rapaport plays Ventimiglia’s coked-up agent.
Although it has a style that might remind one of the Eurotrash Sapphic vampire films of the 70s, this 2012 horror (ish) film from writer-director Xan Cassavetes ultimately doesn’t swing that way. The style and look of the film are lovely and somewhat nostalgic for anyone in Australia who grew up watching sexy late night foreign cult movies, but this doesn’t stack up. Frustrating, but nice try.
An excellent, very Eurotrash music score by Steven Huesteter definitely sets the right mood at the outset. Some of the camera angles are really whacked out, and the shot composition is excellent. And I have to admit that having the vampire girl chained to the bed headboard during sex so she doesn’t feed on Ventimiglia is a very amusing, very kinky, Franco-esque touch. It’s not long into the film, though, that one gets the impression that more than a 70s Eurotrash film, this film ultimately wants to fit in with the arty/underground mid-90s films of Abel Ferrara and the like, with an occasional nod to 70s Eurotrash thrown in. For me, that’s not nearly as much fun. For starters, during sex, the girl stays in her underwear. The late, great (ish) Jesus Franco would never stand for that crap, let me tell you. And no, half a bum crack does not count as nudity. Plumbers show more than that. And yet, we see half a nipple in a post-coital scene. What the hell? Meanwhile, Roxane Mesquida proves a much better actress than her on-screen sister Josephine de la Baume, it has to be said. And where’s the fun in casting them as sisters anyway? Cast them as former lovers at the very least! There’s a rulebook for this sort of thing, y’know! Why adopt the style of Eurotrash horror if you’re not going to deliver on the requisite sexual content? Unfortunately, Mesquida’s trashy sister character is just as boringly straight as her sister, and the actress remains almost as frustratingly coy about on screen nudity as star de la Baume, which boggles the mind given her hedonistic character. The characters really are dull I have to say. Worse, after Ventimiglia gets bitten in the first act, the film has nowhere to go and a lot of time to go nowhere. The vampire society stuff is kinda cool, but that’s all off to the side. The main story/plot is seriously lacking in…well, story and plot. And without the sex (at least on screen) and violence to make up for it…fail.
Poor Michael Rapaport, a talented actor, is wasted in a nothing part and looks in seriously rough shape, only partly explained by his cokehead character. There’s potential trashy, sexy fun here, but there’s not much plot, the characters are boring, and an overall reticence to embrace sexuality, which is a real shame. The deflating, wet fart of an ending doesn’t help things, either.
OVERALL SUMMARY
Stylistically it works, and it’s not a bad film per se, but narratively or sexually, this just isn’t good enough. I’d rather watch ‘Vampyros Lesbos’, ‘The Devil’s Nightmare’ or ‘Nude for Satan’ again. (The latter two aren’t vampire films, but they sure are Eurotrash horror). Hell, even more recent vampire films like ’30 Days of Night’ and ‘We Are the Night’ are more successful.
