Set in the future where a new planet similar to Earth called Tanis has been found. Which is jolly well helpful since Earth has become a bit crowded. So a space mission is launched transporting several people to Tanis. Corporal Ben Foster awakens from a cryosleep (shades of the “Alien” Quadrilogy), with his memory a bit foggy. Lieutenant Dennis Quaid soon joins him in a similarly confused state. Whilst Quaid stays in the control room monitoring things, Foster decides to explore the massive ship and happens upon two more people (Antje Traue and Cung Le, the latter not speaking any English), whilst Quaid is soon joined by the awakened Cam Gigandet. Foster’s new companions prove a rather gun-happy pair, but that may be for a reason. Foster soon finds more inhabitants on board…of the noseless flesh-eating mutant variety (Think Lord Voldermort crossed with a stingray). Meanwhile, Gigandet has a horrifying tale to tell Quaid. It seems that some of the people on the ship are suffering from a mental condition called Pandorum. Accentuated by cryosleep, it causes paranoia and hallucinations among the humans.
Can we call this one “Planet of the Stingrays”, perhaps? No, that makes it sound somewhat interesting and fun. This US-German co-production from director Christian Alvart is yet another boring, slow-moving space/horror saga involving humans awakening from a cryogenic sleep to be hunted down by alien creatures. Do we really need any more of these? Apparently producer Paul W.S. Anderson (“Event Horizon”, “Resident Evil”, “Mortal Kombat”) believed so, but audiences seemingly begged to differ, as the film flopped at the box-office. I knew Anderson’s name had to appear somewhere in the credits here as the film played like a mixture of “Even Horizon” and “30 Days of Night”, with a little “Resident Evil” thrown in for not-so good measure. The plot recycles every space/horror flick cliché you can think of and the characters aren’t remotely appealing. A desperate lack of tension, suspense, or even any interest at all ensues. Terribly inarticulate dialogue too, mostly consisting of unnecessary profanity that for me didn’t seem to fit at least some of these characters.
Aside from the filtered yet attractive cinematography and lighting by Wedigo Von Schulzendorff, the creatures are the only worthwhile thing in the whole film. They’re nothing special, but they’re nasty and a whole lot more interesting than the humans. The talented Ben Foster tries his best not to look bored or embarrassed under futile circumstances, he’s too good to appear in this dreck. The rest of the cast are not used to their best advantage, especially a miscast Quaid and a wasted Reedus as another survivor in what amounts to barely a cameo. I feel particularly bad for Quaid, who has had a really bad run of it lately (“Horsemen”, “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”). You know your career is in a rut when one of your best films in the last five years is the uneven “Legion”.
Cam Gigandet, meanwhile, is the single worst actor going around now as far as I’m concerned. It appears as though everything he has learned about acting has been picked up by watching Mark Wahlberg’s performance in “Fear”. The guy glowers menacingly. That’s his entire repertoire right there. Then again, the film itself is monotonous, with way too many scenes of characters lurking about dark corridors. Maybe if more was done with the temporary amnesia idea the film might’ve had more to offer, but this is pretty dire.
OVERALL SUMMARY
Clichéd, monotonous, and dull, and aside from the creatures, there’s nothing to see here folks. A mind-numbingly slow-moving waste of time.
