Did ANYONE like this misfire? A horribly restrained (and cheap, what was
the budget, around c? A buck?) Dario Argento wishes it were and
people were still lauding him over ‘Suspiria’. We also have an oddly
ordinary-looking (huh? Trust me, it makes sense) Julian Sands as the
unmasked (what? what’s the point then?) Phantom who spends his days in the
muck and grime with the rats he loves very (very) much. Ben…the two of
us need look no moooorreee…er, sorry about that.
Dario’s daughter Asia is the lead actress here, playing a singer whom the
Phantom becomes infatuated with…that’s when he’s not making sweet love
to Ben, Willard and their pals (Seriously, he’s one sick puppy- you’ve
been warned). Even sicker than the rat stuff (which has nothing to do with
anything really) is the sickness of the director, filming his own daughter
in some nude scenes. The fact that ol’ Dario’s behind the camera means
that the rest of us can’t enjoy those scenes…mind you we’re also talking
about Julian Sands playing a supposed romantic/tragic figure.
Well, we would be if Dario had in fact even remotely followed the
well-known tale- what were those rat catchers doing there?- but this is
just a grimy, strange, slow-moving and incoherent cheapie. The great
composer Ennio Morricone might best have not turned up given that not even
his presence can save this garbage. Some gore here and there, but sorely
lacking in thrills.
OVERALL SUMMARY
Message to those who lambasted the Robert Englund version- Anyone need a
shovel? Got some digging to do?
