The Horror Asylum

Sign Up   Forgot Password? 
11,710 horror articles & features | 6,992 horror movies | 1,590 horror reviews | 1,683 giveaways hosted | 228 delicious interviews Established in 2001  
The Horror Asylum
  Horror News   Reviews   Giveaways   Interviews
Movies | TV | DVDs | Books | Games Movies | DVD | Books | Games Just Added | Ending Soon Just Added | Archives
Home About Enquiries Submissions Advertising Premium Feeds Cookies


Robin Hood Film Review Jeschke Reveals New Horror Short 'It Happened on Orchard Street' Maria The Wanted and the Legacy of The Keepers Unleashed The First Trailer for Occurrence at Mills Creek Unveiled
Top 5 Horror Games Betsy Lynn George Returns for Don Swanson's 'Occurrence at Mills Creek' REVIEW: Thomas Crane's HALLOWEEN PARTY CryptTV's Sunny Family Cult Season 3 Now Available

WIN Sci-Fi Thriller OCCUPATION on Blu-ray
WIN Sci-Fi Thriller OCCUPATION on Blu-ray
Hideo Nakata’s Classic RING Giveaway
Hideo Nakata’s Classic RING Giveaway
WIN a PIERCING Quad Poster
WIN a PIERCING Quad Poster

House of Long Shadows
Buy from Buy from

House of Long Shadows (1983)

movie | Movie Details
Images, Posters, News
| Comments
Have your say

Plot Summary:
"An American writer goes to a remote Welsh manor on a $20,000 bet: can he write a classic novel like "Wuthering Heights" in twenty-four hours? Upon his arrival, however, the writer discovers that the manor, thought empty, actually has several, rather odd, inhabitants."

Review by
Ryan McDonald
Follow me:
Review Date: 23 July 2009 My Rating: out of 5


Mystery writer Desi Arnaz Jr makes a bet with publisher Richard Todd that he can churn out a classic horror novel in 48 hours, agreeing to stay at Baldpate (or Bllddpaetwrr) mansion in Wales. His desired peaceful seclusion is constantly interrupted by a series of wacky guests including caretakers John Carradine and Sheila Keith, and members of the family Grisbane, who have owned the estate for generations. Cue the spooky goings on and some PG-grisly murders. Not so much a pleasurable teaming of the stars of chillers both Hammer and Corman horror, but a tired and badly made retread of the “Old Dark House” ghost-comedy nonsense. There are more laughs and mystery in a “Scooby Doo” episode, than this garbage. This 1983 Pete Walker comic chiller for Golan-Globus (Founders of Cannon, the makers of every bad Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson movie you've likely seen. Or not, if you have any sense) is a pitiful waste of some of horror cinema's finest stars.

Chief among the flaws is the casting of the completely obnoxious talent deprived Arnaz as our leading man (all smarm and flippant attitude, and insufferably rude. He's Chevy Chase without the talent or charisma). He, and the bland Julie Peasgood (even worse!) make for a completely uninteresting on-screen couple who unfortunately eat up far too much screen time, despite an underdeveloped romance. These guys couldn't even get a gig on General Hospital, they're that bad.

As cheap a comedic act as Arnaz is, what really signals that this is a Cannon Film is how cheap the whole damn production is, what with crappy-looking lightning FX, and the terrible lighting. I'm all for darkness in a horror film, but this is just bad cinematography by Norman Langley. As for the lightning, I reckon there's more lightning in the opening twenty minutes of this film than in any other horror movie I've seen. Compensating much, Mr. Walker?

The real ‘stars' do well under the circumstances and each is well-suited to their roles. Carradine and (Walker regular) Keith are both good but scarcely seen. Peter Cushing is having a riotous, speech-impeded time in the film's funniest performance, that at least comes closer to the jovial, comedic vibe of Roger Corman's “The Raven” and “Comedy of Terrors” than anything else in this awful film. You simply haven't lived until you've heard Cushing, with speech impediment say ‘suffering'. Hilarious. Vincent Price, meanwhile, is as defiantly hammy as always, having a great line at one point; ‘Please don't interrupt me while I'm soliloquising!'. Christopher Lee, for his part, gives perhaps the most accomplished performance of the lot, in the least flashy role- he's seemingly the voice of reason for a change (as a prospective buyer). Massive waste of Richard Todd, by the way.

This is a hideous-looking, cheap and boring film, that several horror stars and a few chuckles cannot save. It's definitely not scary, and the mystery is pretty transparent too, despite some poor attempts at misdirection and a terrible ending.

Blood and Guts: Comments


Not Registered?
Sign up for FREE >>

There are currently no comments.
Why not have your say!?

Don't fall behind, make sure you get help
writing college papers fast.


Get Out Movie Review

Get Out

Cellar Dweller Movie Review

Cellar Dweller

Pyewacket Movie Review


Quiet Place, A Movie Review

Quiet Place, A

Blair Witch Movie Review

Blair Witch

Dont Breathe Movie Review

Dont Breathe

All Through The House Movie Review

All Through The House

Ghoulies Movie Review


Night of Fear Movie Review

Night of Fear

Happy Death Day Movie Review

Happy Death Day

The Ritual Movie Review

The Ritual

Mercy Christmas Movie Review

Mercy Christmas

The Unraveling Movie Review

The Unraveling

The Witch Movie Review

The Witch

The Other Side of the Door Movie Review

The Other Side of the Door


WIN Sci-Fi Thriller OCCUPATION on Blu-ray Hideo Nakata’s Classic RING Giveaway
Now you can Watch your favorite Horror Movies using the Official ShowBox App


An Interview with Doug Hawley
Doug Hawley