Yesterday saw the stateside release of Mitchell Lichtenstein’s ‘Teeth’ on DVD. So guys beware. Because the last thing you want is this girl chomping visciously down on your manhood!
You heard right. For those not in the know about this little movie that tested very popular at various festivals this is ‘Teeth’. High school student Dawn, part of a local chastity group, is becomming a women and is starting to get the compulsion for those naughty under the sheet actions that most adolescents enjoy somewhat. But the ‘chastity’ decision isn’t her only issue, it’s more to do with the fact that her ‘flower’ has a mind of it’s own and hasn’t yet bitten off more than it can chew. Yes, that’s right folks, this young girl has ‘vagina dentata’.
Now don’t expect this review to be filled to the brimful with ridiculous ‘bite’ puns or gags about vagina’s left, right and center. But it’s too much of an opportunity to miss out so I will try and use them sparingly. Promise.
You’ve now got a grasp on the unusual premise. So what exactly is the ‘vagina dentata’ myth? Well, ‘Vagina dentata’ is Latin for toothed vagina. And a host of various cultures have folk tales about women with toothed vaginas, frequently told as cautionary tales warning of the dangers of sex with strange women.
The movie itself is a fun little flick which sadly takes a little time to kick off but once it’s got it’s rhythm it rolls along nicely. It’s nice to see something different in horror and you can’t get much different than a toothed vagina. Girls may as well skip this part because this next bits for the boys only. Guys…I have to warn you, the dudes in this movie do get their trouser snakes bitten off. And just when you think they couldn’t possibly show you the outcome, well they do. In graphic, graphic, blood-spewing detail. So be warned, it will make you wince.
‘Teeth’ is a well made, well written movie that combines and touches on a variety of teen sexual issues. It’s difficult to know whether the director is trying to simply interpret the ‘vagina dentata’ myth itself for horror fun or is actually talking to the viewer on other levels. It could easily be interpreted as a coming of age movie, a girl discovering new sides of herself. It could equally be taken as a simple danger’s and risks of sex lesson (am I to assume the protected sex scene was the only non-attack from the viscious private parts?). Or is this simply a modern telling of a women’s empowerment and feminine wiles.
The scenes are quirky and well directed and the cast are excellenty portrayed. None more so than Jess Weixler, who plays the fiery flapped Dawn. It’s got a sweet tongue-in-cheek tone to it and is clearly not bogged down too much in ‘trying to say something’ mode. It’s something you can enjoy as genuine entertainment but hell, I wouldn’t recommend it as a date movie.
OVERALL SUMMARY
So to sum up. ‘Teeth’ is a fun, well-made, and totally gruesome little movie. It’s a man’s worst nightmare. It’s a gynecological fearfest. It’s a subtle warning to any male out there who’s doesn’t practice safe sex. So guys, for the love of god, rubber up!
